i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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