Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
