You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
