How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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