I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
