This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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