please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
