My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
