Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
