I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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