Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
