Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
