Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
