I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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