I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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