I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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