He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
