Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
