oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
