So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
