So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
