i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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