man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
