4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
