Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
