Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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