I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
