I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
