life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
