I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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