that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
