I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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