i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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