Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
