shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
