You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
