We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
