So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
