She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the condom got lost in my hair
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
