and you said cock pushups were impossible
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
