some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
