Jerry, you need to find god
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
