You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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