It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
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