PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
did i just pee glitter
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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