thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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