He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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