Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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