He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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