I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
