Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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