and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
