that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
