So drunk its hurt
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
