But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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