Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
