it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize