none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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