you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
