Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
