It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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