i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
