on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
