I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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