just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
