I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
