I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize