There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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