Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
