Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
