there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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