If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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